


The Proper Speech

by gxldentrio



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Fake Marriage, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Jilytober 2018, Something In Between Those Two, They Don't Die In This One
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-09
Updated: 2018-10-09
Packaged: 2019-07-28 18:20:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16247219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gxldentrio/pseuds/gxldentrio
Summary: It's Petunia and Vernon's engagement party, and Lily really doesn't want to go.





	The Proper Speech

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Jilytober. It's short, but I didn't want to let the occasion go by unnoticed or unacknowledged. Huge thanks to Kristina for the prompt -- I hope it makes you proud!

The way Lily sees it, things could have gone _so_ much worse.

So what if her Uncle Jerry got absolutely _hammered_ on Chardonnay and then proceeded to propose to her very old, very _married_ Aunt Gloria? So far, it’s the only memorable thing about the whole affair. From the food to the flower arrangements, everything looks perfectly ordinary—read, boring—, which Lily supposes must be why Petunia picked such a bland, outdated colour palette. It’s bad enough that she chose such a dreadful fiancé, couldn’t she at least have put in some effort towards the menu options?

It’s a good thing that James was able to come with her. For at least a couple of weeks, Lily thought she was going to have to face this shit-show of an engagement party by herself, as her boyfriend was due to an important meeting at the Ministry. Thankfully, though, someone at the Animagus Registry division screwed up the reports and it got cancelled last minute.

They left the flat last-minute enough that they’d be fashionably late, but early enough that Petunia couldn’t call them out on it. Long were the days Lily strived to earn Petunia’s affection, or even respect. The only reason she was even attending the bloody thing was to make her mum happy.

It's surprisingly warm for November, but Lily brings her Gryffindor scarf with her anyways. As long as she charms the house crest to stay invisible, she can get away with wearing it in public—the muggle side. If anything, bringing Hogwarts paraphernalia into Petunia’s home feels like some sort of rebellion. Her sister will recognize the pattern and the colours, but seeing as it looks like any ordinary scarf, can do nothing about it.

They Apparate to an alley near Privet Drive and walk the rest of the way. The streetlamps are already on, and the road is tinted orange. When they arrive, it’s Catherine Evans who greets them at the door, pulling them in for a hug. Then, there’s a crash in the sitting room and Lily’s mum rushes off. James pulls her into a nearby armchair, and after setting the overly expensive engagement gift on the designated table, she sits down on his lap.

Besides Lily, her mum and a few aunts and uncles, there’s no other Evans in attendance. Now that Petunia’s about to become a Dursley, she’s cut off pretty much everyone from her side of the family, which doesn’t really surprise Lily. After all, Petunia’s never been a fan of the unconventional. When their grandfather came down with a strange illness five or six summers ago, Petunia refused to acknowledge the situation, let alone visit him at the hospital.

“Do you reckon your sister will murder us if we leave before the big toast?” James asks, sipping on a flute of champagne. They’re sat near the fireplace, a bit removed from everything that’s going on around them, and Lily can’t really say she minds. There’s no one else she’d rather be with, nowhere else that makes her feel so at home. Besides, so far, they’ve managed to avoid Vernon, and Lily definitely wants to keep it that way.

She pulls her hair into a bun, and twists in her seat to face James. “Honestly? Right now, even a painful death seems better than staying. If I have to listen to Petunia’s shrills _one_ more time I swear I’m going to lose it.”

James chuckles beside her and pulls her in to kiss her forehead. “Ten more minutes then?”

“Unless something more interesting happens, I’d be okay with leaving right now.”

Of course, someone up above must have a personal vendetta against her or something, for not even five seconds later, someone’s calling her to the kitchen. Apparently, there’s some sort of emergency with the _canapés_. One of the guests had a gluten allergy and Petunia had waved it off as a simple fad, and so now they’re trying to avoid someone going into anaphylactic shock. It’s a good thing the kitchen is mostly empty, and that Lily brought her wand along.

At the mere sight of it, Petunia’s eyes nearly bulge out of their sockets and it takes every bit of effort for Lily not to roll her eyes. Still, despite all the aversion Petunia has for anything magical, Lily guesses even her sister must prefer a few spells to a hospital visit. What would the neighbours say?

Once Lily finally returns, James is nowhere to be seen. In hindsight, she really should have known better. She asks Uncle Jerry, now nursing what she seriously hopes is a glass of water, if he’s seen her boyfriend anywhere, but her efforts prove fruitless.

She hears the tell-tale clink of cutlery against glasses, and instinctively, Lily turns back, trying to find the source of the sound. Hopefully, this speech will be coming from someone on her side of the family rather than Vernon’s. The Dursleys are rather… dull, she’ll put it that way.

Once she _does_ turn around, she finally finds James, except he’s on one knee, a shit-eating grin plastered all over his face.

Of _course._

“Lily Marie Evans, light of my life,” he starts, and _is that her mother’s ring_ on his hand? There’s no way this is happening. James should know better. Still, despite Lily’s deepest wishes, he carries on, “from the very moment you socked Timothy Rams in the face I knew you were the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.” Then, he winks, and Lily is finally in on the joke.  

“When Snape started that olive oil trafficking business, you put an end to it without hesitation. Will you marry me?”

By then, Lily is laughing so hard there’s actual tears coming out of her eyes, though everyone else will certainly attribute it to her getting emotional over such a heartfelt proposal. _Psh_.

“Well, what d’you say?” James asks, eyes twinkling behind his glasses, and the whole thing brings back memories of Professor Dumbledore and his speeches before every big feast. Then, Lily remembers that as far as everyone’s concerned, this should be the biggest moment of her admittedly short life so far and thinking of her old Headmaster while it happens surely must fall somewhere on the ‘inappropriate’ spectrum.

“Yeah!” Aunt Gloria says in that adorable old-lady voice of hers. “What d’you say?”

She says yes, of course. It’s all for the ruse. So, what now her close family thinks she’s engaged at the tender age of twenty-two. It’s not as if it’s very far from the truth.

Petunia kicks them out not even twenty minutes after. And as James stops to tighten Lily’s scarf around her neck, she figures it wouldn’t be too awful to be married to her oaf of a boyfriend, for real. So as long as he prepares a better speech.


End file.
